Staying Friends with an Ex

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Okay, so this e-card, while it is hilarious, might be a little extreme, but it’s definitely how I feel about this subject.  I get lots of questions and emails asking about relationship advice, or actually “after” relationship advice so I thought I would address one of them.  But before I get started I just want to include a small disclaimer saying that these are my opinions; although they may not be yours, that is okay.  Take this advice and do with it what you will.

In my opinion,  you CAN NOT stay friends with an ex.  Yes, you may say that you are “friends,” but in reality, one, or both, of you still secretly has feelings for the other and, unless you’re planning on getting back together, that’s not healthy for either of you.  I have attempted being friends with an ex and seen boyfriends of mine stay friends with exes, and in both cases, it normally doesn’t work out and puts strain on your relationship.  In my experience, guys staying friends with their exes, is code for “His ex-girlfriend is still in love with him and saying that they are friends is her way of making it seem okay that she randomly texts him at two in the morning.”  When a girl stays friends with her ex it is code for, “Her ex-boyfriend doesn’t want her but he doesn’t want anyone else to have her so he’ll say that they are now friends to keep tabs on her and whoever she is now dating and talk her out of it.”  Yes, those statements might seem a bit dramatic, but these are personal experiences that I have had and learned from, so take my word for it.

But if you really are looking to be friends with your ex, here are my tips and rules.

Number 1: You have to really and truly be friends.

This means that you both accept and fully understand that the romantic part of your relationship is done.  No booty calls, no kissing, no drunken phone calls after you’ve had too many glasses of wine with your girls, no trying to make him jealous.  Strictly homies, buddies, whatever you want to call it.  But no funny business.

Number 2: You need to forgive each other. 

You need to forgive each other for however the relationship ended.  You can not be holding a grudge or hostility over what happened when you were together.  That is no way to build a friendship.  If what ended your relationship is something that you can forgive and forget about, then you must do so.  If not, then revert back to my first few paragraphs.

Number 3: Don’t be hating on his new girlfriend. 

One of you finding someone new is inevitable, but when this time comes, you have to be okay with it.  You acting all jealous and crazy is only going to make things weird between you two and in order to continue this friendship you need to be a respectful and supportive, good person.  If you can not do this, revert back to my first few paragraphs.

Number 4: Don’t rush it. 

I recommend taking a breather from each other before jumping into a full blown friendship. Give yourself, and him, time to be cool down after your breakup and heal if they were hurt.  Take some time to focus on yourself and to figure out if being friends is what you really want to do.  If you don’t, the lines between your romantic relationship and your friendship will be blurred and it will be very confusing.

Number 5: Realize that being “friends” might not be an option. 

Depending on how the relationship ended, you or he, might not want to form a friendship.  If not being in each others lives is what one, or both, of you want, then you must respect that and move on.  Accept the fact that what you had is over, but remember the good times that you did have.  (Unless it ended because he did something super shady, in that case I would suggest trying to blur him out of your memory forever; just kidding, kind of 🙂 )

Remember, every relationship is different, and every breakup is different.  So my advice may not work for you or you may not like it.  Oh well, just trying to help all of you with what I have learned and now know.  I hope that this was helpful to all of you ladies (and guys).  Let me know what other topics you would like me to touch on as I am very happy to spread my knowledge with all of you.  Make this an incredible day.

xoxo lexie

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